So You Wanna be a "Real" fighter!

OK. . . in my last editorial, I shocked many by stating "if you really want to learn how to fight, I don't recommend that you try to accomplish it at a Uechi dojo or any other martial art dojo!"

So, if you want to be a fighter and you are willing to put the time into this effort, what is my recommendation?

1. First I believe you should get into superb physical condition. You may as well begin to accomplish your goal of becoming a fighter at the same time. . . my recommendation is that you empty your bank account and say goodby to your family for a couple years. . . then sign-on in one of the many legitimate training camps where UFC champions train.

So how does an ultimate fighter train?
There is no definite answer because each fighter trains differently. Ultimate fighter Chuck Liddell works out with items such as sledgehammers, wheelbarrows, and wooden beams. Frank Shamrock has a program made up of calisthenics, weight training, cardio, wrestling, and plyometrics. One thing I have noticed from what I have researched is that many ultimate fighting programs revolve around a typical boxer’s training program. Exercises such as running, jumping rope, sit-ups, push-ups, and footwork are typically in most workouts. This is of no surprise since boxing is a main part of an ultimate fighting match.[tryingfitness.com]

Sound like your twice a week 2 hour dojo practice? Well friends, if you really want to become a fighter, you must start by losing that beer belly and train under a strict and ruthlessly tough coach. Think that you are going to accomplish this by sitting by the T.V., drinking beer (or fine scotch), cleaning your machine gun, scanning he forums and pretending that you are tough?

No my friends, you won't be a fighter by faithfully doning your freshly washed, starched and ironed gi and spending a couple hours playing at your local dojo.

2. OK. . . you paid your dues and now look like a fighter. You really should shave your head and get at least 25 tatoos that make you look even meaner. Good job. But now your real training begins. We all know that the Ultimate Fighting Competition has rules and you want to be a "real" fighter, so no sense in wasting your time trash talking the other UFC fighters and challenging them to a "fake" fight. No my friends. My recommendation is to move into one of our nation's slum areas where you can now learn how to fight the "real" way. No "cooperative" drills. No kata, no exercises or other wastful efforts. Just get up in the morning, do your 1000 pushups, situps and pullups. Run ten miles to finish your morning routine. After lunch, don your uniform. . . I suggest something tight and pink and head for your local biker bar where you begin advanced training level 1 in "real" fighting.

After a few hours "training", rest for a few hours and around 10PM, head back to the streets for "real" nightfighting training. You'll love this as there are no rules and every encounter will provide new and thrilling experiences in fighting that no dojo can match.

Now, after a few months of training, please drop into our forums and explain to all what you have learned and gained from your "real" life experiences as you trained to become a "real" fighter.

If, during your 2nd phase training you happened to do something stupid and end up in prison. . . Well, that is considered to be training level 3 and you are indeed very lucky if you happen to end up in a prison with "fight clubs" or a trainer who teaches the "prison workout". I understand this workout is a great supplement to your regular "real" fighting program.

And when you get out or when you decide to retire from your tough-guy schedule, consider opening a dojo and be sure to visit our forums so you can set all of us straight on the correct way to train for fighting. One thing we can be sure of. . . as a "real" expert, you can tell all the tough-guy wanabees that there is a big difference between dojo practice and "real" fighting!

Who needs kata and starched/ironed gis!!!