I was sitting in a French restaurant
In an historic French neighborhood in Canada
His watch read ten of eleven
I was wishing I felt in love
Suspecting it was my own fault I didn’t
The man across from me was irritated
His patience with my defensive, girlish behavior
Was wearing thin
He was tired of always feeling so close
To having what he knew we could have
Never getting there
Never getting around my emotional impasse
He was a good man
I still remember details of our exchanges
His raw, honest feedback, the first of its kind
I should have received years before
My clueless reactions
To his basic human gestures
Of someone who cares and wants more
I knew how to chair a mock legislative convention
by Robert’s Rules of Order
I knew how to fish brown trout in a stream
I knew gene therapy was a reliable vector short of working
I didn’t know what more was in a healthy relationship
Never learned it
That was years ago, before I held on to a hand
Who tenderly pulled out my soul
Showed me strength and intelligence
Are the more in a relationship
Though my path leads me far
From the man in the French restaurant
It will always show stains
From my habit of stomping
On the fruits of desire
In my jaded young days
When I let one hurt bleed
Onto a purer heart’s grace
We can’t have today
Without every yesterday that came before it
An eagle takes flight from the glistening cool water
Of the Canadian lake reflecting back me – only sooner
Sharing more without walls
At ten of eleven
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